I’m On This New Diet – It’s Called Crypto

Struggling with those last few pounds? Well let me tell you – cryptosporidium is the way to go.

First of all, it has a sweet, hardcore name. Doesn’t it remind you the gang, the Crips? Crypto definitely gives rhabdo a run for its money in this category.

Also, it’s free! While you may have to pay for the water to get crypto, there are no monthly fees. Plus you can keep eating the foods you normally do.

Which brings me to the last point: food doesn’t sound good so you’ll stop eating as much and as often. Knowing that whatever you will eat will not stay in your body for long really makes you not want to eat.

The downfall? When you’re done with this diet, the pills are pretty expensive: $700 for thirty pills. Luckily I only need six to stop the crypto, and with insurance, it was $50.

Okay, enough sarcasm.

Somehow, I contracted cryptosporidium, a gastro-intestinal illness. It is possible I got it while traveling, as it can take two to ten days for the symptoms to start, but I will never know where it came from. In 1993, Milwaukee experienced an outbreak of crypto when the city’s water was contaminated. As no one else around me is sick, I highly doubt it is from Sun Prairie’s water.

It is true that I have lost weight, but I’m sure it’s mostly water. I would much rather have those few pounds back if it meant I didn’t have to deal with this.

I’m just happy I know what’s wrong with me and have (expensive) medicine to make it go away.

What is the strangest illness you’ve ever had?

12 thoughts on “I’m On This New Diet – It’s Called Crypto

      • It was a bacteria. Clostridium difficile. Mom thinks I got it from the surgery center. But more likely was that I got it from taking too many anti-biotics… who knows! It’s common for old people in nursing homes… awesome.

  1. Oh gosh. That’s horrible! I had food poisoning from bad pork when I was in Guatemala. I was only 15 and just wanted my momma!

  2. Bless your heart! I hope you feel better soon! I haven’t had any weird illnesses, but this summer I’ve been dealing with some crazy intestinal/digestive issues. I’ve tried multiple things, but the medication my doctor started me on a few weeks ago seems to be helping. I see the GI doctor later this month, so hopefully we will have something figured out soon!

  3. Pingback: I can’t stop burping….can you? « Type A-Frame Personality

  4. Pingback: I’m alive… « Type A-Frame Personality

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